How life changes

Addison "Mommy, what's wrong with Grandma"
Mommy "Addison, Grandma is very sick, she has a very ugly disease called Parkinson's"
Addison "but why Mommy, how did she catch it"
Mommy "Sweetie, I really don't know"
Addison "I'm going to ask Santa to make her better next time I see him"
Mommy "trying to wipe the tears"

My mother..... My mother is a kind and gentle person. She has always loved her grandchildren with every ounce of her heart. Her love has always been pure...as pure as love can be. She has never expected anything in return from her grandchildren, she loves them unconditionally.

Life is so unfair. Why did Parkinson's have to enter my mother's body. She has always been a good person and has lived her life trying to do what's right.

My mom best remembers things in the past. During this past trip my mom asked me a few times who Addison was. She looked at Tyler and said "Tyler, I thought you were still a baby". One evening she said to me "who was that girl in the house last night". I said "Mom, that was me". She said "That sure didn't look like you, you had me confused. This part of the disease is very hard for us....very very hard. I know the day may come when she completely forgets who I am...and if that happens it will be devastating!!!

My mom has trouble with her words. She often has something to say but just can't get her words out. We usually have to read between the lines. Some times making it very hard to help her....and frustrating for all involved.


Watching my mother suffer is horrible. It's so hard!!!! I always thought about how hard it is for my dad to care for my mom....how hard it is for us to care for my mom when she visits....that is until this last trip. Life for me changed in a matter of minutes.

We all, as a family, went to a hockey game. My mother had to use the restroom and since my father couldn't go in the ladies room it was me who had to take her. I walked my mom in to the big handicap stall. I asked her if she thought she could go on her own or did she need help. My mom said "I think I can do it". I watched through the crack in the door...I watched as she struggled just to get her pants down. I opened the door slightly and said "Mom, can I help you". My mom just nodded.

As I helped my mom with her pants, I thought to myself she used to pull my pants up when I was little and needed help...now it's me helping her. I'm sure when I was little she didn't bat an eye when she had to help me...why was I so afraid to help her? I realized that I had been afraid...very afraid. It's hard to see our parents, the ones that took care of us now needing care.
I helped my mom wash her hands...just like I help Addison and just like my mom used to help me. I tugged down my mom's shirt making sure it was just right before walking out of the bathroom. I took my mom by the arm to help her balance and we walked very slowly back to the room we were in. As we walked my mom tried desperately to say something to me...all she could get out was "ohhhhhhhhh Colleen ohhhhhhhhhhhh Colleen its". I knew what she was trying to say........I softly with tears in my eyes said "I know mom, this is really hard for you isn't it". Her eyes filled up with water...we both knew what she was trying to say....no words needed.

It was at that point that I realized....sure Parkinson's is hard on my father as he is my moms caretaker. And yes Parkinson's is hard on the family when my parents come for a visit...but, Parkinson's is hardest on my mother.

I would give anything to take this horrible disease away from my mother. I wish my girls had the opportunity to get to know my mom the way the boys did. I am just grateful that they have a Grandma and Grandpa in their life that loves them so very much. Even though my mom can't get her words out you can see the love shine through her eyes when she is with her grandchildren...for that I am grateful!!!! We are making memories...they may be different from what the boys experienced when they were little...but my girls are lucky enough to have the memories of two very loving grandparents.

Christmas Day!!!

Where do I began......

A little over a week ago, on a Wednesday evening, Ken was complaining that his chest felt tight and that his heart was beating very fast. He said he needed to lay down. After about a half hour he said he felt better and that was that. I told him to call the doctor in the morning...but he went in to the office instead.

I got a phone call from him about 1:00PM that he was not feeling well, he had a headache and was coming home. When he got home he said that he had a headache but that I should run my errands and that he would be fine. I asked him if he thought he had a virus and he said he wasn't sure.

I was gone a little over an hour. As I was heading home I called Ken to let him know I was on my way...he said that he needed to go to the ER. It was his heart again. His arm was numb, his chest heavy and he had a headache. I immediately called Justin and told him to have someone drive dad to the ER. Tyler and Kenny took Ken to the ER. He was admitted into the hospital for a possible heart attack.

The next morning Chris watched the girls and I headed to the hospital. What I didn't know was that Ken was in ICU. What an awful feeling to walk through those double doors of ICU. All of Ken's test came back good. The doctor felt that everything was due to stress but we still need to keep an eye on his heart. Ken scared us to death. It was a big wake up call. Rid as much stress as possible. Life is short, very short!!! I am no longer going to upset myself over people that don't matter. People that really don't want to be a part of our lives. I am going to embrace those that care and love our family for who we are and not for who they think we should be.

I mentioned in a previous post that my mother is very sick and that my parents would most likely not be able to travel for Christmas...all that changed when I called my dad to tell him that Ken was in the hospital. My dad must of called every few hours for the next couple of days following Ken's release...Nothing was going to stop my parents from coming. My parents adore Ken and he them.

We had a lot to be thankful for this Christmas!!! As I looked around the room on Christmas Day I realized that everything important in life was right in front of me. I had my children, my parents and lets not forget my two older boys girlfriends...who by the way are incredible!!!!

Speaking of incredible.... Kristen (Chris's girlfriend) gave Ken and I a gift certificate to dinner which she said included babysitting(her and Chris). Ashley and Justin surprised us with a gift certificate to dinner which they said included babysitting...gee do you think they want us to go out more? I know what your thinking, what a lucky mommy I am!!!! And your right, I am lucky lucky lucky!!!! I have had a lot of people ask me if I have a good relationship with my older boys. I have an incredible relationship with my boys. My boys are also very close to one another....and as their mother I would'nt tolerate if my children fought. I would knock their heads and tell them to get over it...we are family!!!!!

On to Christmas............................

Ken bought me camera equipment(lightstand and a universal thingy. My two older boys some how got a hold of my amazon wish list...and surprised me with a awesome tripod (Justin) and a rockin' ball head(Chris). My Dad bought me a softbox and J-clamp....I am all set to take pictures inside this winter...yipee!!!!




On Christmas Eve the boys move all the gifts in to the family room after the girls are asleep. It's always fun watching the family room fill up with gifts!!! I get so excited thinking about Christmas morning and all the fun that lies a head that I don't sleep very well...

Here's the loot!!!!!

Santa brought Addison the American Girl doll Ivy and a new AG bed. Addison also got lot's of American girl clothes and accessories. Her favorite was the Llama...daddy said to name him "Dolly"....get it, "Dolly"Llama....ok so we're a bit nutty. Addison got the big snow white cottage. tons of barbie stuff, DS games, jewelry,pet shop, pretty pony's, Wii games, Fancy Nancy shoes and books and lot's of other little things.

Santa brought Livi a pool table and some cool building blocks. Livi also got a new Ipod, Ipod dock, headphones, easybake oven, Wii games, tons of board games (she's a gamer LOL), DS games, Digital camera, Petshop, jewelry, make-up and lot's of other little things What she didn't get was an iphone (yes she wanted one LOL).

The boys all made out well!!!!


Here she is......my little pool shark. Watch out, she's getting good...her new phrase is "keep your powder dry".

My beautiful Addison with her newest AG doll Ivy......








My beautiful Livi......looking more and more grown up.

Having my parents spend Christmas with us is a true gift. There have been moments that my mom forgets who Addison is...or that she wonders who Tyler is because she thought he was a baby. : ( We all know that Grandma is sick and we cheerish every moment that we have with her. You can really see it in my my mom's eyes how happy she is when she is with family. She no longer has the muscle strength to smile but her eyes light up when she is happy...although she did smile several times with her mouth too : )

Christmas is not about what you get wrapped under the tree...and if you believe that, I feel sorry for you.

Enjoy every moment with your children....they grow up way too fast!!!! Love your family...life is short.

"Christmas Eve - The longest night of the year"

"DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD?

AND IT WAS THE HOLIDAYS. FINALLY, THE HOLIDAYS.

NOSES PRESSED AGAINST STORE WINDOWS.

GIGGLES IN THE DARK. HOT COCOA MUSTACHES.

PRESENTS MADE OUT OF GLITTER AND STRING.

THERE WERE ALWAYS SNOWFLAKES TO CATCH ON

YOUR TONGUE. FROSTING TO LICK OFF A BEATER.

AND THERE WAS MAGIC OH, YES. AND THE

ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY THAT ANYTHING WAS POSSIBLE.

may you rediscover

the child inside you

this holiday season.

""In the eyes of children we find the joy of Christmas. In their hearts we find its meaning.”"

Author: Leland Thomas

"He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree."

Author: Roy L. Smith

""Christmas will always be as long as we stand heart to heart and hand in hand.""

Author: Dr. Seuss

We Believe In Santa!!!!!!!

From Our Home To Yours

""The best of all gifts around any tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.""

Wishing all of my bloggy friends a Merry Christmas!!!

My parents arrived safe and sound this morning. We are over joyed to have them here.

Baking Round Two!!!

Here we are again...another day of baking, messy counter tops, flour in our hair and powdered sugar on our lips. Another day of blasting Christmas music while singing and dancing in the kitchen with our crazy mommy....welcome to our nut house!!!!

Today we started our baking off with thumb print cookies...

We rolled our cookie dough in to perfect round balls.

Whoo hooooo!!! Look at Miss A go!!! That's what I call good cookie dough rolling!!!

I gentle pressed a thumb print in the center of each cookie.

Just enjoying a little taste of jam.

The fun part was filling the thumb prints up with strawberry jam...yummy!!!

Here they are....Don't they look beautiful!!! Mommy said that Addison and I did a super duper fantastic job!!!!

We also made Italian wedding cakes....

and Italian cookies. Mommy said that she used to make this same recipe with her grandma when she was little.

Addison ate and ate and ate....

Man alive....baking can be exhausting!!!!!

Baking Baking Baking!!!!

Oh boy do my girls love to bake!!!! We started our Christmas baking today and will continue through out the week. This year I let Livi take the reins and let me tell you.....she is awesome in the kitchen!!!!!! Livi did all the mixing and rolling herself. She was incredible!!!! I was so proud of her. We did create quite a mess but that is part of the fun!!!!
Now for some pictures of our fun day.

My two little bakers. Don't be fooled by these adorable faces!!

Mixing ......mixing ........mixing

Addison helped her big sis out by holding the bowl

And sampling the powder sugar.

Miss Livi rolled and rolled

and rolled some more.

It's always good to take a break and sample the goods....and let me tell you....this chick-a-roo can bake!!!!

Would you look at that ball.....amazing!!! The girl can roll a mean ball off cookie dough.

And would you look at that line....Seriously.....she lined those cookies up beautifully!!!!

These are Livi's favorite gum drop cookies.

Our little star!!!

Miss Addison had her Christmas program at preschool today. I must admit she is so stinkin' adorable!!!!!! Last night I was laying out an outfit for her to wear when Miss A declared "Mommy, I need a dress that is more princess like". I guess the 6 Christmas dresses that she has hung in her closet did not appear to be Princess enough. So what was I to do??? I ran to the mall last night and found a dress fit for a Princess.

This morning we curled Addison's hair, she wore a beautiful necklace that her Godmother Kelly-Ann bought her a few years ago and a pearl bracelet that was purchased in China. And we could not forget the black sparkly shoes that we have in every color.

A few days ago Addison told her brother Kenny that she wanted him to bring pom pom's to her Christmas program so that he could cheer for her.

Mommy, Daddy, Tyler and Kenny arrived at the preschool ready to watch our girl bring down the house with her beautiful voice (she told us that she is the best singer of all). Kenny and Tyler went off to visit some of the teachers (My boys are friends with several of the teachers adult children). Kenny told Miss P. (one of the preschool teachers) that he forget the pom pom's and Miss P. said "wait I have some for you". And in pure Kenny style, Kenny arrived back in to the church with a set of pom pom's declaring "This place is about to get rowdy".

And here she is.....the star of the show Miss Addison Claire!!!!!!!!

Busy Busy Busy

Well, my Christmas shopping is done, packages wrapped and our house feels like Christmas. The girls were a wonderful help with the wrapping. Livi cut the paper, tapped and even wrote out the "to" and "from" on the boxes...only one little problem...everything is "from" Livi. I guess when your in charge of wrapping you get to pick who the gift is from. Addison was in charge of bows.

Next week we are baking!!! My girls both love to bake. I remember baking with my grandmother at Christmas. I have so many fond memories of standing in her kitchen, flour all over the place and licking the icing off the big wooden spoon. I hope to be able to create the same wonderful memories for my girls.

It is looking like my parents will not be coming for Christmas. My mom is not doing well at all.This is so sad. I have never been away from my parents on Christmas. This will be very hard for all of us. Please keep my mom and dad in your prayers this holiday season.

So how are you all doing with your shopping and wrapping????

What's a birthday with out a little drama

Yes...yesterday was my birthday. I have to admit the day was not the best day. The morning started out the usual...a cup of coffee, getting Miss Livi and Miss Addison off to school...coming home to edit some pictures on my computer...but when I turned on my computer all I got was a blue screen. I rebooted 50 billion times. After crying (a lot) and cussing (a lot) it was discovered that my computer had CRASHED!!! Not to worry because my husband bought me a spiffy whiz-bang external hard drive...all good if I remembered to back up everything. ::::sigh:::: I had most of my pictures backed up but not my newest ones (thank goodness for my flickr account).

Yesterday afternoon I headed to Best Buy and bought myself a new laptop. I spent most of the afternoon loading in programs, rearranging and trying to figure out how to import everything from my external drive (Yes I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, I know). All is good...I have most of my pictures and the ones I don't have...well I can't look backwards.

So Happy Birthday to me : )

December 10th is no longer about me any ways...four years ago, on December 10th I came home from China with the best birthday gift EVER!!! My daughter Addison. December 10th is very special to me, not because I was brought in to the world on that day (although I know that in itself is pretty amazing) but because I now share my birthday with my precious gift...my gift from God!!!

Addison....I love you more then you can ever know. You make me smile, laugh and giggle like a child. You remind me everyday to not take life so seriously...you remind me every day to stop and play because time is going by way too fast. Thank you sweet girl for brightening my life. I love you : )

I like to write funny things down that the girls say so that I can look back years from now and laugh...A few funnies from Addison.

Addison explaining to me one morning why she shouldn't go to school

Mommy, I don't want to go to school today because there is snow on the ground. If there is snow then we have to put on our snowsuits and go outside and play....Mommy, I'm not really a cold weather girl.

Addison and I were eating crackers and butter one day. I went upstairs to put away some laundry leaving the butter and crackers on the kitchen island. When I came back downstairs I buttered myself a cracker and proceeded to eat my yummy cracker when Addison said "Silly mommy, Lucy (our dog) was licking the butter from the container, yucky".

Apparently Lucy jumped up and grabbed the butter off the island (she has done this before) and was licking the butter out of the container. I thought I was going to throw up LOL

Addison was looking through her American Girl magazine when she came across a beautiful outfit for her baby....she gasped and said "Oh look Mommy, that doll is styling".

Addison has several cute pairs of jeans but she refuses to wear them. One day I said to her "Addison, you had me buy you all these cute jeans and everyday you tell me that you need to wear a dress....why is that?"
Addison " Mommy, the jeans are making my skin dry out".

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Soooooo do you love my new look??? Thanks to my sweet friend Lisa I'm looking a bit more festive!!! Thank you sweet friend {{{hug}}} I love you!!!

What a whirlwind of a week. We have been sick with some yucky virus and it has kicked our butt!!!! At this point I'm not sure which little nut brought the ugly virus home to share with all.

This past weekend I had the pleasure of meeting up with my girl Gail and spending a entire day Christmas shopping. We left our mark at the "Lucky" store (one of my favorite places to shop).Before we knew it the sun had went down and it was time for Gail to head home. We had such a wonderful time!!! I love you Gail!!! Thanks for the fun day!!!!

Our house is decorated for Christmas and we are slowly but surely getting the presents wrapped and under the tree (minus the ones that Santa brings of course). I still have more shopping to do but I've made a dent in my list.

Addison has been helping me wrap Christmas presents during the day when Miss Livi is at school. Addison is in charge of the bows. Both girls have also been wrapping a lot of their old books and putting them under the tree...how cute is that!!!

Did I mention that Livi wants a pool table and a new deck of cards for Christmas. Hmnnnn my 4 year old dances on the tables and my 7 year old is a card and pool shark..maybe I better rethink my parenting style.

Lastly I would like to ask for prayers. My mom suffers from Parkinson's. It has robbed her of her golden years. My parents came for Thanksgiving and it was wonderful having them. They are supposed to fly in for Christmas but we are not sure that my mom will be well enough to travel. She has not been eating much this week and her body is very week. My dad is working very hard to get food down her. If my mom is not able to build up strength they will not be able to spend Christmas with us. This will be the first time ever that I have not been with my parents for Christmas. Please keep my mom in your prayers.

I hope that you are all in the holiday spirit!!!! We are expecting quite a bit of snow on Wednesday...the girls will love it!!!!

I love all the peace sign ornaments from PB this year. I did an entire tree of peace signs.

Anyone that knows me knows that I'm all about leopard and peace signs (a bit hussy)

Both of the girls have a sparkly peace sign ornaments hung in their rooms with their initial.

This last picture was taken by Livi. I love that she is already enjoying the view from behind the lens.